I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize