What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize