I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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