nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
