So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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