You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
