walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize