You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
