How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
