i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No subtext here. People are naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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