I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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