we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
