HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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