Whod you bang
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
