No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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