I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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