I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is Oprah even human
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
