Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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