How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
