3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
