And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
