I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
