my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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