Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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