Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We left the knife in your bed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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