i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
