did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
