i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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