Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
