Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
