he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
