So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
