I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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