I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
