My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
