i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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