At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
