first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
