Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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