I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
