so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
