I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
