Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
