mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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