you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
