Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
