my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
