Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
