mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
