May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
