in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
