I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
