I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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