Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
