my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
