I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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