we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
