I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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