Sry I called you an 8
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
