either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
