I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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