Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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