it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
