I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
false alarm. still invincible.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
