Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
