how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
