Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
