He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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