The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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