2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
