dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
