all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
