Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
