Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish i was in the wii world.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
