just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The struggles of a small town man whore
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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