When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
