ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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