Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
