I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
